Sarcasm is just another service we offer
by LittleTiger488
Summary: A quick one-shot about the Warner siblings, their bond, and other fun mushy family stuff like that.


_Disclaimer: I do not own The Warners, Dr. ScratchnSniff, or any other characters/ideas from Animaniacs. I am not writing this for profit, just for fun._

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**"Sarcasm is just another service we offer…"**  
An Animaniacs FanFic by LittleTiger488

The loud clank of the bolt locks broke the silence, followed by the long metallic whine of old hinges, protesting the weight of the front door. A sliver of moonlight sliced through the darkness as the door opened, the shadow of a hand poking through as well. Groping around the wall, the hand soon found its target and flipped the small switch, flooding the large room with light.

Yakko flinched from the sudden burst of brightness as he stepped into the water tower, shutting the large door behind him. He yawned slightly as he made his way to the side of the large circular living space that contained his and his siblings' sleeping arrangements, kicking toys and other items out of his path. The lack of sleep had the oldest Warner's mind running on empty at the moment, and once reaching his sister's side of the room he had to stop and pick his brain for the reason he was there. One glance at Dot's dresser reminded Yakko what he was doing and he shook off his sleepy stupor, opening one of the drawers and sifting through the articles of clothing.

Earlier that night, a few hours after going out to dinner, Dot started complaining of a stomach ache. It wasn't much later that Yakko found himself seated beside her on the bathroom floor as she emptied her dinner into the toilet bowl. After a good half an hour later of relieving herself of her lunch and breakfast too, Yakko decided a second opinion was in order. While he called the only one they really considered even somewhat close to their adult supervisor, namely one Dr. Otto ScratchnSniff, Wakko quickly took his brother's post, rubbing Dot's shoulders and holding her ears back. Over the phone, Yakko toyed with the idea that his sister might be coming down with some kind of flu or twenty-four hour bug, and asked what they should do, but ScratchnSniff insisted that it was better to be safe than sorry.

The psychoanalyst came over to find the youngest Warner curled up in Wakko's lap no more than a foot away from the toilet in case she needed to resume the position, shaking with pure exhaustion from the violent expulsion of her stomach contents and drenched in a cold sweat. Yakko brought up the possibility of the flu again while Wakko entertained the idea of a parasite, and Dot groggily sobbed that she was dying. ScratchnSniff shook his head and agreed to his previous statement on the phone and suggested a visit to the hospital for a proper diagnosis.

As it turned out Dot merely had a nasty bat of food poisoning, which made more sense to Yakko now as he and his brother were once again holding their sister up as she got sick in the diminutive bathroom in her hospital room. The constant rejection of anything that entered her digestive track had Dot dehydrated and completely exhausted. But even after she had completely emptied her system the nauseous feeling stayed and brought about dry heaves or stomach acid. If she wasn't hunched over the toilet, she was curled up against one of her brothers, miserable and uncomfortable as she clutched her aching abdomen.

Being lactose intolerant, Yakko was no stranger to the gut wrenching pain of constantly vomiting. He hated watching Dot barely be able to catch her breath before being attacked by a succession of dry heaves. He felt helpless, that there was nothing he could do. It was never easy for him to watch either of his younger siblings go through any kind of pain. Hell, he had a hard enough time if one of them skinned their knee let alone a hospital visit. The doctor had said they shouldn't be too worried, but they would keep her over night to monitor her and make sure the case was only a mild one. Yakko was sure if Dot was lucid enough to hear that she would have profusely announced her displeasure of having to spend the night in the tacky hospital gown.

As Yakko filled out some paperwork he had noticed Wakko hadn't needed to be told to stay by their younger sister's side. He felt an overwhelming sense of pride at that. As much as the two fought, bickered, and poked fun at one another on and off stage, Wakko and Dot had an unspoken bond that Yakko saw shine through on many occasions such as this one. Whether it was when the two of them rough housed on the living room rug and Wakko would let Dot pin him so that she'd feel strong. Or when Dot would insist upon Wakko's opinion when it came to her experimental cooking creations because she said he was "honest" and had "good taste" (though neither of them had the heart to tell her Wakko just had a stronger stomach). No, Yakko wasn't the only one she would seek solace from on a night fraught with bad dreams, and never once had Wakko denied her access to his bed. But while Yakko would offer cuddling and compliments, Wakko's manner of dealing with their sister's affections was much different.

Yakko was far from jealous that Dot usually preferred talking to Wakko about things, and vice versa. Whether he had meant to or not, Yakko had more then become a parental figure to the two of them, and there were just things one would rather not talk to their parents about. Perhaps there had been a time where he had wanted to share that bond with them. And perhaps there was a time he had. But lately, be it age or maturity or simply that he realized he shared different, just as satisfying bonds with both of them, he was content to let Wakko and Dot confide in one another, knowing full well if it was anything serious they would come to him.

Besides, both of them were good at playing that role. Most of the time they would just sit and let the other talk. Other times they would engage themselves in meaningless conversation about random topics that would get their mind off things and allow the two of them to ramble. You couldn't have conversations like that with Yakko, you'd never get a word in edge wise. No, the two were not only siblings, but also close friends.

That was why Yakko wasn't the least bit surprised when Wakko suggested that Dot would be more comfortable if she didn't have to wear the paper thin gown. Though Wakko had meant the comment as a snide remark towards hospitals (the middle Warner had never been very fond of the medical setting and its sterile, white washed walls), Yakko thought it would be a good idea to go get her a change of clothes and perhaps one of her thousands of stuffed animals to make her feel better. While ScratchnSniff was more than happy to stay with his siblings, and knowing full well that Wakko would uphold his big brother duties, Yakko took a cab back to the lot.

And here he was, making a mess of Dot's drawers to find something comfortable for her to wear. He was amazed at how much he was actually thinking about this. He had thought he'd just run in and grab something, but now as he sorted through her laundry he was finding out just how many outfits his sister owned. He was starting to wonder if Dot's drawers were subject to some kind of independent hammerspace. He finally found a pair of pink plaid pajama pants, but was currently deciding on a shirt. He shuffled through the many different colored tank tops next to her other night attire, but wanted something warmer for the air conditioned hospital room. Suddenly a thought struck him and he started looking for a specific shirt. Not finding it in her drawers he moved to Wakko's train wreck of a dresser, and then to his own.

He smiled when he saw the grey jersey fabric folded neatly amongst his clothes. He picked up the shirt and let his eyes skim the fading black text printed over the front.

"Sarcasm is just another service we offer…"

Yakko smirked. He couldn't remember exactly when he had bought the shirt, but it must have been at least a few years ago. It was a phrase that described him well and it had quickly made the list of his favorite shirts. It was no surprise that it also made the list of clothes that Wakko would often borrow when the urge struck him. The middle Warner usually wore his clothing baggy so the shirt never looked out of place on him. Besides, it's not like the phrase didn't apply to him as well.

It was a bit more of a shock to Yakko though when he had come home one day to find Dot lounging around the tower wearing the shirt. She had made the excuse that she was doing laundry and just grabbed one of his shirts to bum around in the rest of the day. If it had been big on Wakko, Dot was pretty much swimming in it. The hem came down to just above her knees and she wore it like a dress.

She couldn't use the laundry excuse though the second time he had seen her wearing it, this time with a pair of old jeans. She was even wearing it out in public, which Yakko had thought was against her dress code, but she was quick in inform him that the tom-boy look was very "in". And again, it's not like the phrase didn't hold true to her nature as well.

She had also mentioned that it was comfortable. And it was. The jersey fabric was soft and light weight. The text was a nice microfiber print so it didn't bunch or warp awkwardly in the L.A. heat. The grey coloring matched with pretty much everything. Pretty soon it wasn't uncommon to see one of the Warners wearing it at least once a week. Chances were if Yakko couldn't find it in his dresser it was more than likely in one of his siblings'.

The shirt had surely seen better days, Yakko thought as he set it in his back pack next to the pajama pants. He remembered fondly the many conversations started because of it. You want a girl to give you a second look? Make sure something's written on your shirt…

He also remembered the lazy Saturday mornings where one of them would have it on as they vegged in front of the TV. Or the long days on the set when he or Dot would toss it on, cold from the air conditioning and the fact that their costumes left them bare from the waist up.

He smiled to himself as he plucked a stuffed cat off of Dot's bedding and shoved it into his backpack. Yes, the shirt was the best choice for the situation. He doubted any other would make his sister more comfortable than that one.

Yakko was able to flag down another cab and make it back to the hospital as the clock struck 3am. He entered the dimly lit room where his sister was being kept and smiled at the sight of her curled up against Wakko, his arm wrapped around her. Dot was asleep, her body finally giving her a break. Wakko's eyelids were fluttering, trying their hardest to stay open as he stared up at the ceiling and continued to lose count of the tiles. Yakko's entrance snapped his little brother to attention though and he rubbed his tired eyes.

"Where's Scratchy?" Yakko asked, keeping his voice down as to not disturb their sleeping sibling. He shut the door to the room and walked over to the bed, setting the backpack down on top of the sheets.

"Said he needed some coffee…" Wakko yawned, very carefully trying to slip out from Dot's grip. Yakko helped, gently lifting Dot up and into his arms. His sister stirred and her blood shot eyes blinked a few times in response to the movement. She muttered an inaudible sentence as Yakko sat her up.

"Go back to sleep, sib…" Yakko cooed softly as he held her against him and undid the flimsy tie on the gown while Wakko sat up and dug through the backpack. The middle Warner sibling looked at the shirt when he pulled it out, but regarded it with a knowing smile before helping Yakko pull it over the drowsy Dot's head, slipping her arms through as well.

Yakko had become very skilled in the art of dressing half asleep siblings. He had gone through many nights of one or the other falling asleep on the couch, on the floor, or on him. After properly clothing her, Yakko took a few minutes to cradle her in his arms and pull himself up onto the hospital bed next to his brother.

"She gonna feel better soon?" Wakko questioned, waiting for his older brother to get comfortably situated against the pillows before curling up next to him. Yakko nodded, holding Dot against him with his left arm and draping his right one around Wakko's shoulders.

"We'll take her home tomorrow…"

Wakko mumbled a response, but it was muffled as he nuzzled himself deeper into Yakko's shirt. It was taking everything he had not to fall asleep before Yakko returned, but he wouldn't allow himself the luxury of sleep until his "shift" was over. He was out before Yakko could even whisper goodnight.

Yakko smiled and removed Wakko's trade mark cap, setting it down beside the pillow and petting back his brother's ears. He leaned down to kiss Dot's forehead before leaning back into the flat, hard pillow. He could care less though. At the moment he could very well sleep on nails and he'd be just fine.

He glanced down at the shirt his sister was wrapped up in. The shirt he wore just last week to a ball game he brought his family to. The shirt Wakko had spilled soda all over from laughing so hard at a movie the three of them had seen a few weeks before. The shirt that somehow found its way into all three of their drawers. The one thing they never bickered about or claimed ownership of. Their unspoken link, their symbol of siblinghood, their comfort zone.

The thing he'd probably have to scrub vomit out of the next day…

**The End**

And no one got pregnant… except Yakko, but he had a kitten… so its okay

And here's a shout out to all you fanfic writers…

… Stop making Dot a whore…


End file.
